Lashed

It looks like the stick people stickers I posted about on Tuesday are quite prevalent and embarassing Stateside.  American Insurance site, carinsurance.com, have produced this article on embarassing cars, car colours and accessories.  Sorry, as they are American, that should read "colors".

Unfortunately, they chose the top 12 cars for their survey rather than just opening it up to the public and this is the list after the votes were counted:

1. Smart Fortwo (7.6)
2. Nissan Cube (3.6)
3. Hummer H2 (3.5)
4. Chevrolet SSR (2.1)
5. Volkswagen New Beetle (1.9)
6. Subaru Baja (1.6)
7. Lincoln Town Car (1.6)
8. Pontiac Aztek (1.4)
9. Chrysler PT Cruiser (1.0)
10. Honda Element (0.9)
11. Chevrolet HHR (0.7)
12. Nissan Murano CrossCabriolet (0.3)

The numbers in brackets are the cars "Cringe scores" so I really don't think the bottom three should be in the list at all. The Smart scored badly, rather unfairly, due to a preception that it is "not safe".  At least the reason for the Lincoln Town Car & Chrysler PT Cruiser was they are "too Grandpa" - "ha ha!" says the Jaguar driver.

 

The Americans should be lucky they never had the Fiat Multipla or the car I was once subjected to, the Mercedes Vaneo.

 

The accessories list is much more cut-and-dried:

 

Headlight eyelashes	34%
Bumper sticker for a candidate who lost	18%
Fast and Furious-style spoilers and wings	15%
‘My child is an honor student’ bumper sticker	13%
Stick-figure family decals	13%

 

I really hate the headlight eye-lashes.

Why?

 

 

Fox News also had the story.  Apart from getting the accessories in the wrong order, they also express surpise at no mention of "truck nuts" - something I was aware of and hate nearly as much as the lashes and also no mention of unicorn antenna balls - something I wasn't aware of and was pleased not to be aware of.  Check this out for a cringe.

 

 

Again, why?

 

Bond Villain

My story last month about Roger Moore didn't really have much to do with James Bond but this one does actually involve Steven Berkoff who played General Orlov in Octopussy alongside Roger Moore.

Now, being a Daily Mail story, they do enjoy a misleading headline.

For example: Pay and dismay: Mercedes left marooned after builders excavate station car park around it

No it wasn't, the story here clearly states that the builders left an escape ramp.

Another good example: Mystery solved! Elizabeth Hurley's car found covered in parking tickets after reports it was stolen during shopping trip

No it wasn't - it had three on it. Story here. Nearly another James Bond connection though - she was a star of Austin Powers which is a very entertaining JB spoof.

Anyway, the misleading Berkoff headline is James Bond villain Steven Berkoff, 75, banned from the road for jumping red light when he heard police sirens

He wasn't. He lost his licence for getting 12 penalty points on it. He also rather naughtily tried to declare his Californian driving licence number but that didn't work.

He claimed he moved through the red lights to get out of the way of an emergency vehicle. Seems like a reasonable thing to do, although he did it at 27mph!

It did get me thinking about what I would do if waiting at traffic lights and an emergency vehicle came up behind with its sirens blaring and lights flashing. What is the correct thing to do?

Well, thank you to Jerry from Lincolnshire who taught me something when he added the following comment to the Mail article, "It is absolutely never the right thing to do to pass a red light in these circumstances. It is absolutely not a defence to the crime of passing a red light to say you moved to allow a blue light vehicle to pass. If you do pass a red light and get prosecuted any compentent lawyer will advise you to plead guilty and try to minimse the sentce through mitigation. Emergncy vehicle drivers are trained that if they are behind a vehicle stopped at a red light they MUST wait for the light to go green before they can expect the vehicle in front to move. They are also supposed to turn off any siren until the light change but can keep blue lights on."

What he says is backed up here so I gave his comment a green up-arrow.


Now, basically, Berkoff jumped a red light at nearly 30mph, pretended he didn't have a British driving licence and claimed he was making way for an emergency vehicle. Worse than that, he was driving a Beetle.

General Orlov would not have been impressed.

I Don't Want a Porsche

If you were offering to give me one, I wouldn't say no. And I don't dislike Porsches - in fact I quite like some of them. In fact I quite like a lot of them.

But I've never really wanted one.

I've always been a bit scared of the 911 with its engine-sticking-out-the-back-which-really-screws-with-the-handling design which was fine for the Beetle but dodgy for anything that can achieve motorway speeds. Now I know that Porsche have added loads of stability trickery and suspension cleverness over the last 150 years that the 911 has been evolving and it is allegedly a lot tamer and safer to drive nowadays but why not just move the engine?

I have never liked the Boxster - it looks like two fronts of the same car welded back-to-back. Especially the early ones - especially with the hood up.

Yuk!

The Cayenne is just an SUV with a 911 front and the Panamera looks like a 911 stretched-limo.

So, if I was forced to pick - I'd go for the Cayman - the halfway-house between the Boxster and the 911. It looks good - it looks fun - and the engine is in a sensible mid position.

Top Gear Magazine and most of the motoring websites have been making a fuss of the new 2014 (what happened to 2013!?) Cayman as presented at the LA Auto Show lately. Here's the story from my favourite site. It includes a video presented by a Loyd Grossman soundalike.

OK, so maybe, just maybe, I nearly want a Porsche.

A Family Affair

Caught this rather nice article in the online Telegraph this week. It came with this very cheesy photo:

It's about BTCC driver (and reigning champion) Matt Neal teaching his twin sons, Will & Harry, to drive now that they have turned 17.

William and Harry!!

I hadn't though of him being a Royalist. I also hadn't thought of him as being old enough to have kids old enough to drive. He's only about my age!

His sons will have an excellent teacher and it looks like he is trying to keep their feet on the ground including some professional lessons as well. I'm not as sure of the car choices though, a sporty Corsa and an old Beetle with no seatbelts. The former will cost a fortune to insure and the latter has no seatbelts.

I've not mentioned the BTCC much this year - but I haven't missed a race and they have been just as exciting as every recent season. I've not watched any f1 meanwhile and am not missing it in the slightest.

The BTCC last weekend was at Rockingham and much rain caused much sliding off but there were no major disputes - unlike last year when this excellent picture was taken:

I don't usually credit the pictures I find on the 'Net but this is worth a link and a mention of Life Exposed Photography as this picture perfectly captures Matt in full-on anger mode where no other picture of the incident I've found does.

Here, Matt is launching himself at Jason Plato after a serious shunt in qualifying. Good! - we like some passion in our racing drivers. Jason is wisely keeping his helmet on given that Matt practises martial arts and is considerably bigger than him. Meanwhile, their dads are in the picture trying to make sure it doesn't get any worse.

A very un-cheesy photo - but, then again, racing-driver Matt Neal will be nothing like family-man Matt Neal - I hope! And it looks like it is family-man Matt Neal that Wills & Harry have as their driving instuctor.

New New Beetle

Although they are dropping the "New" tag so now it's just a Beetle. This is being shown at the Shanghai Motor Show and various sites have picked up on it including Car&Driver, Autocar and What Car?

At first glance, the daytime running lights are quite distinctive.

At second glance, I've posted the wrong picture, here's the real one...Similar, isn't it?

At third glance, it looks just like the old one - that is to say the New Beetle as opposed to the old Beetle and the New New Beetle.

At fourth glance, it is a bit wider and lower and does look a bit less girly. The interior is less inferior - they've done away with the stupid flower vase and generally improved the look of the equipment.They have added more body-colour painted surfaces though which I don't like - it always makes me think of low-spec cars from the 1960s and '70s - I always thought the 1990s Fiat Coupe dashboard looked wrong and I don't care for the Nissan Juke for the same reason.

The question is, are these any better than the original, old Beetles?