Electric Dreams

I don't suppose many people dream about a G-Wiz:

Who would want a horribly put-together non crash-tested little quadricycle?  But people do dream about a tiny 2-seat electric car that looks quite similar to it - The Enfield 8000:

This is not an Enfield Thunderbolt as the BBC headline writers want to call it in this article today - it is an Enfield 8000.  An Enfield Thunderbolt is nearly a motorbike made by Royal Enfield which has nothing to do with Enfield Automotive who created the (properly crash-tested) 8000 back in the '70s.  The motorbike is actually called a Thunderbird.

So who does have electric dreams about this car?

The BBC article tells us that Radio 4 presenter Peter Curran has bought and restored an Enfield 8000.

Fifth Gear presenter Jonny Smith is converting one into a Hot-Rod and has been for some time now - you can follow his adventures here.

Meanwhile, in this interesting Independent article from 2006 we learn that Dave Woodbury, an entertainment agent based in Bournemouth has owned his since 1978 and had three of them at one point.

Next week, wet dreams:

Mutually Beneficial

The BBC should become the UK's biggest mutual company to make it more accountable to licence fee payers - so says former culture secretary Dame Tessa Jowell.  The BBC report it here.

Mutual companies do not have external shareholders but all members of the company are considered owners. Money is reinvested back into the company rather than paid out as dividends.

I would like to be a member of the BBC.

If I was a member of the BBC, I might have had a say in the disposal of the F1 rights which led me to declare that I'd had it with the BBC.

I might also have a say in commissioning a new motoring show for BBC2.

But, I hear you say, BBC2 already has a brilliant motoring show called "Top Gear."

I agree - it does.  In fact Top Gear is my favourite show of any genre on television - it's even better than QI.

But I also want a show that is a bit more about the cars themselves - and accessories and racing and motoring law - and the sort of things you might read about on a car blog named after a small car from British Leyland.  I've been watching a couple of the old Top Gears from the '80s and '90s on Youtube and I want a show like that.  Or like Channel 4's Driven before they made it juvenile.

It would have to be on the BBC for two reasons:

1. Impartiality - they mustn't be afraid of upsetting motoring manufacturers who could sponsor them - allegedly Toyota refused to let Jeremy Clarkson test-drive any more of their cars after he called the Corolla "dull" in a review.
2. Profitability - I don't believe that enough people watch ordinary car programmes to make then viable commercially.  This leads to daft competitions that cost £1.50 to enter and added contrived "entertainment" like they put in the otherwise enjoyable Classic Car Rescue - this can be really cringeworthy to watch but seems to draw in the viewers.

The new show would be called "Second Gear" (or "Fourth Gear" if they showed it on BBC Four) and would need some decent presenters.  Definitely not the ones from "I Want That Car" - my review of which has garnered a very large number of hits for some reason - no comments, just hits.

I liked the old Top Gear presenters, Sue Baker, Chris Goffey and William Woollard so wouldn't object to any of them coming back although dare I say they are probably a bit long in the tooth nowadays?  William Woollard's style with a foot on the bumper of the car he was discussing has led to an Internet craze which had passed me by until I read this from the Metro newspaper (no relation).

But the lineup I'd probably plump for would be former Driven host Mike Brewer as the front man assuming I could prise him away from The Discovery Channel. I've got a leather jacket just like that by the way: 

Maybe Jason Dawe (Used Car Roadshow and series 1 of the revamped Top Gear before they decided James May would be a better fit) for the more serious, practical items:

Tom Ford (ex of Fifth Gear and still of TopGear Magazine) for road tests: 

And Sabine Schmitz for the racy stuff:

A half an hour show every Thursday evening.  Just before "Dave Allen at Large."  Sorted.

 

Oh, and can we have "Gardener's World" followed by "One Man and His Dog" on a Friday again please?

Classic Car Rescue

Since Channel 5 lost Fifth Gear to Discovery UK, they have obviously needed something else to fill that gap and they have come up with Classic Car Rescue.

It's on a Monday evening at 8pm (9pm Channel 5+1 Time) We are now half-way through the series.

In this Blog, I will review the show in the style of…the show. You will read me giving my opinions of the bust-ups and the work that goes on in restoring some classic motors from the past, turning them from barely scrap value to (literally) prize condition. I will comment about how Cockney mechanic Bernie Fineman has teamed up with Canadian Car Salesman Mario Pacione (no, I hadn’t a clue about him either) to buy and restore classic cars such as the E-Type Jag and an MGB GT. I’ll also tell you about their very contrived arguments and apparently catastrophic set-backs.

I was fully aware of Bernie Fineman from his previous work on Bangla Bangers and Chop Shop, London Garage – a couple of Channel 4 series where he was teamed up with a Bangladeshi designer so that they could have very fake arguments and produce some impressive-looking motors. I had never heard of Mario Pacione and wouldn’t be surprised if Bernie hadn’t either before he was teamed up with him to make this series.

This series is definitely more of the same except the arguments seem even more fake.

Each episode starts with them deciding what make of classic car to restore – so far we’ve had an E-Type, a Porsche 911 and an MGB and next week, it’s a Mustang. Once the car has been decided upon, Bernie will go out and about and try to find one. First, he will succeed in finding one that is a complete mess that the seller wants far too much money for. Bernie will then succeed in finding another one that is also a mess. He will then buy that one at a price that either he or Mario is not happy with. We will then be told how much it will cost to restore the car and that, to keep down costs, Bernie’s team of mechanics will be given a very, very short time period in which to do it.

Both partners will go out and source some spare or replacement parts from some local Cockney and/or Asian characters. Would it be wrong to call this ethnic group Cockasians?

Then it’s time for a near disaster followed by one of the partners (usually Mario) doing something really stupid and the other partner shouting at him, then storming off.

Next we get the good bit of the show – a look at the actual restoration work interspersed with a few interesting facts and figures about the history and manufacture of the featured car.

Now it’s time for a break – this Blog is sponsored by Adrian Flux Insurance – at least I wish it was – I could do with the cash. After the break, I’ll tell you about the door-slamming and how a posh bloke will value the car at more than was spent on it. There’s also a chance to win a copy of the finished Blog.Adrian Flux – for all your insurance needs – I’d like them to sponsor my Blog now please.

In the first part of this Blog, we learned that Cockney mechanic Bernie Fineman has teamed up with Canadian Car Salesman Mario Pacione to buy and restore classic cars. We know Bernie buys a classic car in need of much work and gives his team a very short timescale to complete it. Some parts will have been purchased and Bernie will then have had a contrived argument with Mario and one of them will have stormed off, slamming a door very loudly behind him.

We then see the conclusion of the restoration including the paint-job and the electrics. This is very reminiscent of American Hot-Rod and the whole series does have a strong American Hot-Rod vibe. Which is good. Mostly.

Each episode ends with a professional car valuer turning up in his BMW 850 and telling them what he believes the restored car to be worth. It’s been a respectable profit each time so far. The production company then presumably buy the car and give it away to the winner of an expensive-to-enter competition.

So, it’s a case of enjoyable car bits, and very irritating fake bits – like American Hot-Rod. Now, if you would like to win* a copy of this Blog, just answer this easy question and transfer £1.50 into my bank account:

What is Bernie Fineman’s surname?
A: FINEMAN
B: JONES
C: £1.50

*Terms and conditions apply – the main one being that this isn’t a real competition.

Tiffany Dell

Who!?

Oh, you mean Tiff Needell!

When he first appeared on Top Gear many moons ago, I thought they were calling him Tiffany Dell.

Today, I have learned that his name is actually Timothy!

He doesn't look like a Timothy.

The more disturbing news is how I found out that his hame is Timothy - it's on the Discovery Channel UK Website under "Meet the Team" for the new series of Fifth Gear!

Whilst looking on the MSN Cars site today I found a preview for the new series of Fifth Gear.

And yet Channel 5 have been plugging a new series with this photo:When they put up that photo and the news of the return of Fifth Gear, I guess they didn't realise that Discovery UK had done a deal and would actually be showing it.

It is disappointing for me - it means that it has gone over to pay-TV like f1 did so I won't be watching it - at least not until they start showing repeats of it on Quest or Dave or, dare I say it, Channel 5!?

And should it be called "Fifth Gear" now? They called it Fifth Gear when it evolved from Top Gear and moved to Channel 5. Now it's moved to Discovery it should be called "Searching for a Gear" or "Finding the Right Gear" something to do with discovery anyway.

The good news is the return to Fifth Gear of Jason Plato - if that's his real name.

Vicki's Take on Top Gear vs Fifth Gear

Back in June 2010, I posed the question "What's best, Top Gear or Fifth Gear?"Well, I found an article written by the lovely Vicki Butler-Henderson that appeared at the end of last month on the MSN cars website where she debates the same thing.

I was beginning to think that this was a moot argument because the Fifth Gear website had not been touched since February 1st with a car news item on the Ford B-Max. Now I know things motoring newsy have happened since then so I was worried that Fifth Gear might have been no more - it was threatened with extinction a few years back so I guess there is always a chance of decomissioning.

But today, the Fifth Gear News site points at a picture of Tiff and Jason and states that a new series is coming. There's nothing in the Radio Times about it but I guess we're not having to wait too long because Vicki in her article says that they are filming it. Still a bit of doubt as to whether or not Jason will actually be part of it - he must be quite busy now with his BTCC commitments.

Whether he is present or not, Vicki's conclusion is one I have to go with - and not a million miles from what I came up with back in 2010 - both shows are good - both shows are different - and long may both continue.

Now, what's best, Top Gear or Top Gear USA?

120mph Crash-Test

Fifth Gear returned to our screens a-week-ago-last-Friday. I completely missed it. I guess either I don't watch enough Channel 5 (quite probable) so missed their trailers or they haven't been plugging it much (quite possible). Not even noticed anything on their website although it's mostly just the news section that I go straight to anyway while looking for interesting stories I can comment on for my Blog.

I finally caught up with the episode I missed on the i-5-Player-on-Demand thingy tonight.

I noticed on episode 2 which I managed to catch OK that there was no sign of Jason Plato. He also doesn't appear in episode 1. I hope that is just because he was busy coming third in this year's BTCC and that he will return to our screens soon.

Anyway, I digress.

One thing that Fifth Gear have always done well is interesting Crash-Tests. This was no exception, launching a Ford Focus at 120mph into a concrete block.

The results are sobering...


And if the video's knackered - I don't trust embedding stuff from Channel 5 - use this to get at it.

Some Say... ...He's Disappeared off the Face of the Earth

Last September, I reported how Ben Collins had joined the BTCC. Then, a week or so later, I reported how he had also joined Fifth Gear.

Now, both of these fine events are back in full-swing for 2011 and there's no sign of Ben in either. Well, almost no sign - he was interviewed at the last BTCC meeting and said how he was hoping to compete next season.

He also popped up briefly - as himself! - on a repeat of Top Gear I caught on the Dave Channel the other day. It was the episode where they played football using Toyota Aygos. If only we'd spotted the clues at the time - the other competitors were Russ Swift and his son - an obvious choice for throwing small cars around impressively - and a load of touring car drivers. As they were being introduced, each one's achievements in Touring Car racing were being read out, then they got to Ben who they quickly skirted over.

For those of you reading this and thinking, "Who The Hell is Ben Collins!?"

You obviously haven't read the post from September!

Well, I'll tell you again, but only because I'm such a nice person.

Ben Collins was Top Gear's tame racing driver, The Stig.

Not the first Stig, the black one - that was Perry McCarthy.

And not the current Stig, born in a stable (or cattle-shed depending on your favourite Christmas Carol) in Bethlehem. I'm not going to speculate who the current Stig is but I will confidently say that it isn't me.

Or my wife.

Or Sir Terry Wogan.

Or Ben Collins.

Now, where was I before you interrupted me asking who Ben Collins is?

Ah yes, what is he up to nowadays?

According to his Website, he's doing some Le Mans racing and some Volvo driving. He did mention the Le Mans stuff in the BTCC interview - he's working with RML who are Jason Plato's BTCC Team although the car is Honda based so Steve Rider wanted to talk about Matt Neal's team.

Apart from that, he's been promoting crisps - hence the photo above.

It hasn't done Gary Lineker any harm.

Some Say... ...He's Joined Fifth Gear

Bit naughty of Channel 5 this. It seems to be a well-hidden secret - well hidden from me at least - but there's a throwaway comment in this story about why the judge let him publish his identity. That throwaway comment states that Ben Collins will be making his Fifth Gear debut during this Friday's first edition of the new series. There's no mention in the Radio Times or, right now at least, on The Fifth Gear Website. There's also no clues about the presenter line-up - will someone have to make way for him?

It could make for an interesting dynamic if he knocks Jason Plato out of a BTCC race at Brands next week costing him the Championship!

Top Gear v Fifth Gear

Sunday saw the return to BBC2 of Top Gear, this is just a few weeks after Fifth Gear returned to our screens. Now I like Top Gear and I like Fifth Gear but which is the best? There's only one way to find out...

FIGHT!



Sorry, went a bit Harry Hill there.Well, as ever, it comes down to what you want from a TV motoring programme.

This week on Fifth Gear, we had Vicki hooning around in a Rolls Royce Ghost. Yummy - and the car looks nice too. Jason was hooning around comparing BMW and Nissan hot Cabrios and Jonny did the sensible item on the Skoda Superb estate - "superb" being Skoda's name for it - not mine - I'd have called it the "Skoda Very Good in a Fast & Practical Sort of Way".

Top Gear, on the other hand and on the other channel, went with Jeremy hooning around in the new pared-down-for-speed Bentley. They then had James driving up to the edge of the Icelandic volcano and catching fire. Then it was the death of the Chevrolet Reasonably-Priced Car followed by various celebs and a page 3 girl setting times in the new one and finally Jeremy hooning about in a Reliant Rialto.

Top Gear got a hell of a lot more in - but then again, they have a full hour to play with. Fifth Gear has been shrunk down to half an hour which, allowing for adverts and the annoying competition leaves only about 20 minutes of actual car time. I suppose the competition is a necessary evil - the show was nearly cancelled for financial reasons so getting gullible people to answer easy questions with expensive phone calls must bring in revenue. Which British Driver won the Formula One World Championship?
A: Damon Hill,
B: Harry Hill,
C: Benny Hill

I mean - Duh! I could write even easier ones though: What's the round, rubber thing you find on a car wheel?
A: A Tyre
B: Quantum Physics
C: Frank Lampard

As you will have noticed, you get an awful lot of hooning going on in car programmes. Usually in fast exotic cars well beyond the budget of your average blogger. This is nice but gets a bit over the top. Top Gear tends to space out the hooning with comedy pieces. Fifth Gear tend to use sensible pieces. I like both. Top Gear's laptimes bit and the Rialto bit were very, very funny but I also want to know about affordable cars and what's new and what they can do.

So, I watch both programmes and I enjoy both programmes but I also want a bit of the show that they both evolved out of - it was on from 1977 to 2001 with various presenters including Angela Rippon, William Woolard, Jeremy Clarkson, James May (very briefly), Vicki Butler-Henderson and Tiff Needell. It was called "Top Gear"

Where to go for Car News?

Well, obviously, the first point-of-call must be Metro's Car Blog. However, since this excellent site is just my personal musings on random news stories and events that have caught my eye, and since anything appearing here has already been mused by me within my head, other sources of car news are available.

The very best online resource, the 4-Car Website as reported by me in December was unfortunately closed down. This prompted me at the time to investigate a few other options.

I briefly flirted with the Daily Torygraph Car Site. That is where James May has a weekly column but most of the other articles were just painfully right-wing propaganda meaning that the flirtation could not last long at all.

I also got into the daily habit of checking out the websites of Piston Heads news, Auto Express news and Autocar news.

Piston Heads is slightly laddish with Forums populated by similar people who used to log into the 4-Car Forum when it was at its peak. Auto Express is a bit tabloidy but feels more professional although they do have a habit of, for example, taking mock-ups and implying they are production versions.

I've deliberately not included a link to Autocar because when I clicked on a headline there this morning, I was told I'd have to log in or register. Even if it's free (which I suspect it will be) - I can't be doing with logging in every day and I don't see why I should give them personal data anyway. Fortunately, links to old Autocar stories like in my London Taxi article seem to be unaffected. They will be getting at least one less hit a day now - it'll be interesting to see if this affects them at all.

From time to time, I also check out The Fifth Gear Website. They do have a regularly updated news section, hidden in the bottem left-hand corner of the home page - but generally not a lot in there - more than the Top Gear site do though.

The good news from the Fifth Gear site today, although, I'd already spotted it in The Radio Times, is that Fifth Gear TV is back next Thursday. To quote their site, "The 17th series of the show will see your favourite hosts Tiff Needell, Vicki Butler-Henderson, Jason Plato and Jonny Smith return to your screens". This means that Tim Shaw and Tom Ford can't have been our favourite hosts - they have both been dropped.

I won't miss Tim Shaw - like Tim Lovejoy before him, I believe that car shows should only be presented by motoring journalists or racing drivers not people who might be described as "petrol heads" to justify their presence. Or people called Tim. OK, when Top Gear began it was presented by Noel Edmonds and Angela Rippon and I think that worked but I'm too young to be sure and it did evolve beautifully into what it and Fifth Gear are today.

I will miss Tom Ford, however. I've always found him very entertaining and his interactions with Jonny Smith made a good double-act - like the Plato-Needell one. Maybe his work on Top Gear Magazine caused conflicts of interest or maybe budget-cutting meant that the two studio-based presenters were deemed surplus.

This brings me on to the matter of printed matter. The only car magazine I subscribe to is Top Gear - lots of useful, interesting and entertaining stuff in true Reithian BBC tradition. In my teens, I bought the first 100 editions of Auto Express - the first ones were 40p each - not a too bad weekly expense for a child. Then, they started gradually putting up the price in 10p jumps. Each time they did this, they would include lots of car data pages in the back to make it look like you were getting a lot more for your money. Even at the time, I could see this as a sneaky trick so I stopped buying it at about 70p.

I guess my main source of car news is going to be a collection of online resources - I'd like to see a motoring sub-section on the BBC News Technology Site or even the Top Gear site - I'm sure they used to do something like this. Can we have it back, please?